(eye)Shadows of the Past

 The very first thing that I bought for myself from my first salary was a red lipstick from Colorbar. I was always interested in make up. In fact as a kid I wanted to be an air hostess because they got to wear make up everyday. This lipstick was the first of many as I carefully curated my vanity bag after diligently perusing several beauty blogs and vlogs. Then came the pink lipstick in cream finish from Lakme and later the crayon in matte finish which was all the rage then.

The foundations followed along with the eye shadow palettes one each for summer time bright looks and deep autumn looks. You name it, I had it. Concealer, highlighter, mascara, eye liner et al. I slowly graduated to M.A.C. And Sephora with time.
Now my vanity bag is gathering dust in my wardrobe. The last time I put on make up was Diwali 2022. Even then I had to support my right hand with my left. The same with clothes. I have a wardrobe full of pretty dresses both Indian and western which have no use anymore. I had bought myself a new pair of jeans. It fit me well when I tried it on at the store. A month later when I was planning to wear it, I had lost the ability to fasten the button with my hands. 

Such is the nature of ALS, it creeps up on you when you least expect it. Now I am left with a closet full of clothes , jewelry, purses, heels that I can't use. Makes me wonder why humans buy so much stuff and hoard it. We are the only animal species that does this. All my fine clothes have been pushed to the back to make space for t-shirts and pajamas which have become my uniform as it is the only practical and comfortable thing to wear. On the plus side, it is one less decision to make. I get you, Mark Zuckerberg. 

I am mentally not yet ready to part with my belongings. In a weird way they represent hope. The truth about ALS is you are surrounded with things that will remind you of your past, normal life. It can feel saddening but I feel it's okay to fondly remember the good days.